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02 September 2008 @ 05:50 pm
I just ordered some Santa's White Christmas coffee cooler from the Barnies coffee site... yum! The one Barnies we had here in the mall in Tallahassee closed a while back and I have been missing my coffee coolers. I really liked Barnies coffee more than any of the other places in town here, especially their coffee coolers. I'm glad I can still get it online. I may have to pay a little more in shipping and whatnot, but it's worth it, plus I'm trying to cut back this semester and onward until I finish school. It's $6.99 for a 12oz bottle and all you have to do is add milk and ice. It's not seriously strong in the caffeine department, but it should do. I'll still save money by using this to make my own drinks and then bring them with me when I go out to study. If the bookstores and coffee shops have a problem with it, too bad, although I doubt anyone is going to say anything to me. I really need to stop buying coffee drinks every day I go out to study. I should save a good chunk of money doing this.

Ordering this syrup made me think about Christmas. I love Christmas. I love the food, the music, the lights, the gift shopping, the spirit, everything. All that's missing here in Florida is the cold weather, the snow, and the fireplace, although our apt does have a fireplace. I don't know if we will use it though. At the same time I love Christmas it also makes me extremely sad. I know that sounds weird. This is in part because most of my family is gone, well, on Christmas every year and for years it is just me, my mom, my dad, and my brother. My mom and dad's parents are all deceased and have been since I was 12 or 13. My mom's mom's house is where we would go every Christmas day and that's when we'd see five of my six total cousins (5 on my mom's side, 1 on my dad's) and my aunts and uncles. I miss those times. Ever since my mom's mom died we all stopped meeting. She was the one to keep us all together.

We moved to Florida when I was 16 and ever since then we haven't returned to see anyone, nor do my parents have the desire to. Relations are kind of strained between us and them for stupid reasons. All this just makes me sad because I know it makes my mom really sad. At least we have the four of us my mom says and that's true.

Christmas also makes me sad because I am still single and deeply desire to be married. Christmas is a time to spend with loved ones and in part that is what makes me sad. I don't have my own special person to share it with (apart from my immediate family). I don't have my own family (kids) either and Christmas is so much more fun for everyone when there are kids around! I feel bad too because as much as I desire these things for myself, so does my mom, and I feel bad that I've let her down year after year. She would love for me to get married and have some grandkids, it would thrill her to death, and I feel so bad that I can't give that to her, at least not right now. And my brother isn't married nor has any children either so it's not like he is fulfilling that desire for her either right now.

Sometimes I think I think way too much about other people and making them happy and fulfilling their desires instead of my own, but I have changed a lot in that. I really am seeking my own happiness first now and doing the best with where I'm at and what I can do about my situation and just leaving the rest to timing and whatnot. I want someone to share my life with soon, but I don't want children soon. I'm not in a position to truly give and be what they need, so even though my mom wants all of that right now, putting myself first means that I don't have to feel bad that I am not giving those things to her right now. I just have to let things go and happen as they will if they will. If it's not meant for me it's not for me. I don't know how I got off on this tangent. I think the Christmas cooler flavor made me start thinking about stuff. And I can't believe that Christmas comes again in four months!
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
**** Kevin ****kdawg on September 2nd, 2008 10:47 pm (UTC)
See, this is one thing I didn't know about you! I like Christmas too! :)
lizzbethelizzbethe on September 2nd, 2008 11:21 pm (UTC)
Awesome! Christmas is great.
The Happy Phantommeowgurlgv on September 2nd, 2008 11:26 pm (UTC)
Happiness will find you as long as you are truly yourself. I've learned that one along the way. I'm glad you are doing what you want to do and keeping in mind the things you want to do :) It will make the pieces of life fall together when they are supposed to.
Trust me :)
**** Kevin ****kdawg on September 3rd, 2008 06:09 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it most certainly is! I think it's the giving feeling I get at that point of the year. Yanno?
k2rider78k2rider78 on September 3rd, 2008 07:04 am (UTC)
I love the magic of the Christmas season.

Gift giving is so much fun. Remember to give yourself time and love too :)

lizzbethelizzbethe on September 3rd, 2008 01:55 pm (UTC)
The Quechopquechop on September 3rd, 2008 12:07 pm (UTC)
I have that same happy/sadness about Christmas every year.

We also don't really keep in touch with extended family - we used to but something happened that I've never understood and we're all too busy living our own lives to patch things up.

Kids definitely make Christmas more fun and I think that's what's missing here. For the adults it's all about how to pay for more crap that we don't really need/want and who's going to clean up the mess made while cooking dinner. :-)
santalivenowsantalivenow on September 4th, 2008 05:39 am (UTC)
join Santa's Social Network
Shannon Glambert of London: sunflowersforestgreenivy on September 18th, 2008 06:33 pm (UTC)
Yummy!!!! And Christmas will definitely be here before we know it. (which is a small good thing because the semester will be over by then.)

I usually put others happiness before mine as well, but I am also getting a little better with that.


Are you just as swamped with school as I am? I am LOADED DOWN on reading materials. I know you have that one class that is like that. (at least.) I have a medium load from all my classes and it's pissing me off. I don't know if I can get out of this semester alive. Let alone with hopefully B's or higher.

Comprehension can be so hard sometimes.
CBrefuse2bdefined on October 15th, 2008 06:08 pm (UTC)
Haven't heard from ya in a bit. How are things?
lizzbethelizzbethe on October 15th, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC)
Oh, I'm good! Thanks for asking. I've just been lazy lately :-o
Stephaniepunk_fr3ak on October 20th, 2008 11:00 pm (UTC)
I absolutely LOVE Christmas. Wrapping the presents and seeing their reactions when they open it is one of the best parts of Christmas.
But you should see when my family gets together for Christmas, on my moms side, I have 7aunts. 7 uncles, 13 cousins. On my dads side there's 10 uncles(which means there's 10 aunts) and 33 cousins. It's ridiculous cause all the presents don't even fit under the tree.
Вместо телевизораps1kodel1k on February 9th, 2012 04:30 am (UTC)
С наступившим! Мудрей, но не старей