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02 September 2008 @ 05:50 pm
I just ordered some Santa's White Christmas coffee cooler from the Barnies coffee site... yum! The one Barnies we had here in the mall in Tallahassee closed a while back and I have been missing my coffee coolers. I really liked Barnies coffee more than any of the other places in town here, especially their coffee coolers. I'm glad I can still get it online. I may have to pay a little more in shipping and whatnot, but it's worth it, plus I'm trying to cut back this semester and onward until I finish school. It's $6.99 for a 12oz bottle and all you have to do is add milk and ice. It's not seriously strong in the caffeine department, but it should do. I'll still save money by using this to make my own drinks and then bring them with me when I go out to study. If the bookstores and coffee shops have a problem with it, too bad, although I doubt anyone is going to say anything to me. I really need to stop buying coffee drinks every day I go out to study. I should save a good chunk of money doing this.

Ordering this syrup made me think about Christmas. I love Christmas. I love the food, the music, the lights, the gift shopping, the spirit, everything. All that's missing here in Florida is the cold weather, the snow, and the fireplace, although our apt does have a fireplace. I don't know if we will use it though. At the same time I love Christmas it also makes me extremely sad. I know that sounds weird. This is in part because most of my family is gone, well, on Christmas every year and for years it is just me, my mom, my dad, and my brother. My mom and dad's parents are all deceased and have been since I was 12 or 13. My mom's mom's house is where we would go every Christmas day and that's when we'd see five of my six total cousins (5 on my mom's side, 1 on my dad's) and my aunts and uncles. I miss those times. Ever since my mom's mom died we all stopped meeting. She was the one to keep us all together.

We moved to Florida when I was 16 and ever since then we haven't returned to see anyone, nor do my parents have the desire to. Relations are kind of strained between us and them for stupid reasons. All this just makes me sad because I know it makes my mom really sad. At least we have the four of us my mom says and that's true.

Christmas also makes me sad because I am still single and deeply desire to be married. Christmas is a time to spend with loved ones and in part that is what makes me sad. I don't have my own special person to share it with (apart from my immediate family). I don't have my own family (kids) either and Christmas is so much more fun for everyone when there are kids around! I feel bad too because as much as I desire these things for myself, so does my mom, and I feel bad that I've let her down year after year. She would love for me to get married and have some grandkids, it would thrill her to death, and I feel so bad that I can't give that to her, at least not right now. And my brother isn't married nor has any children either so it's not like he is fulfilling that desire for her either right now.

Sometimes I think I think way too much about other people and making them happy and fulfilling their desires instead of my own, but I have changed a lot in that. I really am seeking my own happiness first now and doing the best with where I'm at and what I can do about my situation and just leaving the rest to timing and whatnot. I want someone to share my life with soon, but I don't want children soon. I'm not in a position to truly give and be what they need, so even though my mom wants all of that right now, putting myself first means that I don't have to feel bad that I am not giving those things to her right now. I just have to let things go and happen as they will if they will. If it's not meant for me it's not for me. I don't know how I got off on this tangent. I think the Christmas cooler flavor made me start thinking about stuff. And I can't believe that Christmas comes again in four months!
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
02 September 2008 @ 03:25 pm
Okay, I can't believe I have been at Borders for the past 6.5 hours! That's just insane. And I have actually been doing schoolwork for most of it, can you believe that? It's been a very productive day.

I'm starting to get a little worried though about whether I am going to be able to find a good job in Tallahassee in my field when I graduate. I mean I am going to do an internship and hopefully that will lead to a permanent job, but you can't guarantee that. This is all assuming I complete this program. If I continue to take two classes a semester, after this semester it should take me two more years to finish..sigh. I'm still going to continue to apply for jobs at Fsu and if I get anymore job offers I will seriously consider taking one of them, even if the pay is a little low at first. I can always work my way up once I'm in, and once I'm in I can either continue in this program or drop out depending on what I want to do. Either way I will know I have a job even while I may search for better ones if I finish the program.

I really don't want to leave Tallahasse so I'm seriously limiting myself job wise, but I know that God has a plan for me and I know He can open doors where there are none if He wants me to stay here. Hopefully He does because if I have to leave it will be kicking and screaming! Or else I will refuse to leave and settle for a crappy job working in the mall. I just don't do good moving to new places on my own where I don't know anyone. If I had a spouse or something and we had to leave for whatever reasons I could do it. I just need extra support with me. That's just the way I am. I cannot and will not relocate alone because I will have a mental breakdown, seriously. I know myself. That's just something I have to deal with and am limited by. Hmm... mental breakdown in a new place with a great job, or mental health and happiness in a familiar place with friends and family with a lower paying not so great job... yeah, for me it's the latter although others would think I'm crazy. Oh well. Each person has to do what they have to do according to what they can handle. Out of curiosity, part of me is still looking up jobs in other places in Florida as well.

I have been at Borders way too long and think I'm going to head home, get something to eat, and then continue the schoolwork. There just is no end to it and if you don't continue to move forward with it you can seriously fall behind and then you are really in trouble.
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
01 September 2008 @ 04:37 pm
Went to the bookstore today to get out of the house and read 200 pages of one of the young adults books I have to read. The book is over 400 pages, the longest one I have to read, and also one of the worst for me personally. I hate the book. It was torture just to read a few lines and I had to force myself to keep reading today. I may go back in a couple days and finish it. The book is called "Little Brother" and it is just not my thing AT ALL. I'm also reading another one I have to read, "Owl in Love" which is really dumb too. It's about a young girl who is in love with her science teacher and she turns into a real owl at night and sits in a tree and watches him sleep, yeah, really gay..lol. I have to force myself to read that too, but it's a lot shorter.

Yesterday I went to the bookstore too and read another book I have to read, "Chanda's Secrets". I didn't like that one at all either, had to force myself to keep reading. I also stopped by office depot. I love office supply stores, there are so many office supplies! I always leave with things I don't need, be it a pen, pencils, a notebook, but I didn't succumb to any unnecessary purchases. I was tempted to get a label maker just because it looked cool and I wanted one, but I don't need one and have no idea what I would even use it for. I then stopped by the grocery store and got some groceries.

Oh, the excitement! Lol.
Current Mood: blankblank
30 August 2008 @ 07:45 pm
Well, I had a pretty good day today. I went to BlackDog Coffee Shop earlier and got a white dog.. this coffee lingo is so silly. I got a whitedog at a place called blackdog. Anyway, I couldn't tell whether the person behind the counter was a man or a woman and that's something because usually I can tell when such is questionable, but I really couldn't! Lol. A while back I encountered this person for the first time (I think they were newly highered) and I asked for a white dog and he/she made me this hot beverage. I wasn't really paying attention because I didn't have a reason to- everytime I go and ask for a white dog they make me this blended drink. Well, when he/she handed it to me and I told him that it's suppose to be cold, he/she got all mad at me and started being really obnoxious. He/she started saying that I should have said I wanted it cold and and acting like it was my fault. I told him/her that I come in all the time and ask for the same thing and they give me a blended beverage. He still got pissed and took the drink away and started making me a cold one. Well, today the same person was there so I made a point of saying after I ordered a white dog that I wanted it cold and he said "well, that's self-explanatory." I couldn't believe it. I wanted to say "listen buddy, last time I was here I asked for that drink and you made me a hot one." What the heck? Anyway, I was really nice about it but I did say that last time I came in and asked for it they made it hot. He just shrugged and turned away. Whatever. I was still nice and told him/her to have a nice day.

Then I went to the store and picked up a few things, got an oil change on my car, picked up a book at the store, and went home.

Talked to my mom tonight and found out that my brother went to the doctor again the other day because his back has been hurting him now. Well, turns out he has a herniated disc and degenerative disc disease. My poor brother. He just had surgery to remove most of one side of his thyroid and has to get blood tests done in the next few days to see if he needs to start taking thyroid medicine, now he ends up with these back issues. I was kind of shocked because I have always been the child with all the health problems, in fact I myself have two bulging discs that pinch on the nerves that run down my legs, have sciatica in my left leg, and have a couple of degenerative discs too (degenerative disc disease), but I attributed most of it to all the wear and tear from cross-country and track running, all the sports I was in, and being such a tomboy when I was a kid. My brother use to play sports too, but never ran as much as me. He played soccer, baseball, wrestled. I guess that's enough to damage your back. The doctor said he probably got it all over the years. Well, at least I'm not alone now in my chronic back pain. I do feel bad for him though. He just turned thirty and is falling apart physically..lol. My mom said she didn't start to fall apart until 45. I feel like I have been falling apart since I was 18 when I first got my back injuries.
30 August 2008 @ 03:49 pm
Meowgurlgv has this posted on her user info page and I love it so I had to post it here:

Find a guy who calls you 'beautiful' instead of 'hot.' Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the boy who pursues you, who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who thinks you're the prettiest when you have no make-up on and insists on holding you around the waist. The one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you. The one who turns to his friends and says 'thats her'.

Aaaw...how sweet. Some of you are probably gagging right now though. Lol. What girl wouldn't want this? I don't know how realistic it is, probably not very, but it's nice to imagine anyways!
29 August 2008 @ 06:38 pm
Finally feeling a little more like myself today for the first time in a couple weeks. Ever since I had my wisdom tooth removed I had been on some pain medicine which started hurting my stomach and making my head hurt and making me nauseous, so I had to stop taking that and it took me around five days for the withdrawl symptoms, which were the same as the above, to go away! It was awful. So I had basically been dealing with the pain without the medicine, I'm so glad it wasn't too bad and was bearable. It's getting better, only a little sore now. My head actually feels clear today and my stomach doesn't hurt and I'm no longer nauseous. Thank God! I also finally got back on the elliptical today for a little bit. It's amazing how out of shape you can get so quickly. My body has been craving healthy food too because I had been eating bad the past couple weeks as well. It's crazy how a little tooth removal surgery can screw your whole system and life up. I bought some romaine salad and some tomatoes and green peppers and cucumbers and shredded cheese and this really yummy balsamic vinegarette dressing. I forgot to get some red onions and croutons. I usually use French dressing (Catalina) or ranch, but I love this vinegarette I bought. So far I have eaten four bowls of salad with it in the past two days.

I also talked to my friend David today and he suggested I put my savings money in a savings acct- wow, genius! Lol. I currently keep it in a checking acct. I thought about finding a savings acct a while back but was too lazy. He has two he uses, ETRADE and Emmigrant Direct. ETRADE has a 3.30% interest and Emmigrant 3.00%. I applied online for ETRADE and am going to deposit $3,000 in it tomorrow. I thought about putting some of it in a cd, but he says most reasonable term cd's carry the same interest so I would be better off just putting it in the savings one, plus I can have access to it anytime I want if I need to, but hopefully I won't now since my tooth has been taken care of and my laptop problem solved. Please God don't let me have any car troubles again anytime soon! I want to continue to add to my savings until I get out of school and get a good job, plus I want to have a cushion to fall back on if I can't get a good job right away.
Current Mood: determineddetermined
29 August 2008 @ 06:27 pm
I added Frank the goat on the homepage as a friend today :-)
27 August 2008 @ 11:58 am
Here's a link to the new laptop I bought:


It's pretty basic, but I don't need anything fancy right now anyway, it has everything I need and use right now. Everything's working fine so far and it is surprisingly fast. My only concern is how long it will last. If I can get two years out of it I'll be satisfied. Hopefully it will last me longer than that. It is so tiny I feel like it is my little baby now, my new little toy. It even kinda looks like a toy..lol. It can be my baby for now. I don't plan on having any kids anytime soon anyway. I'd love to have some in the future, but kids are a big responsibility and a huge investment. They require a lot of money, time, and selflessness. Just because you want some doesn't mean you go and have them. Some people in the world do not understand that..ahem..lol. I need to be able to comfortably take care of myself financially before I add a tyke to take care of as well. Plus I'm not even married and by the time I do get married, since I've waited so long, I want to enjoy my husband for a few years first. Is that wrong? I don't think so. I don't mind if my husband and I don't make much money, that's not really a concern for me. I'd rather live in a shack with someone I'm in love with than be with someone else and be supported and have a nice home, yadda yadda. My mom tells me that if I want help from the government to just go and have a kid..lol. Yeah, that's true, so sad. If you are poor and need help yourself forget getting any assistance, but if you go ahead and have a few kids they will give you lots of breaks. Even though I'm still in school the financial aid money I get supports me very comfortably I must say. I have plenty to live on and am able to save a thousand or two a semester. A lot of people I know have told me they never have enough, barely enough to live on, nevermind save. I don't understand that, but I think I am figuring it out. They party a lot, go out, by beer, buy clothes, and they also get and charge up lots of credit cards, etc. I'm not a lavish spender, neither with the cash I have nor with credit cards. I think I've kind of learned from my parents example. My mom once had a credit card she was paying a minimum payment of $100 a month on and the total balance was going up a dollar. When she told me that that was it for me. I have one credit card and I use it to buy things and then pay them right off, when I even use it, which isn't often. My parents have several credit cards but I am proud of them because in the past few years they have basically paid all of them off and they had high balances on them all. My only issues are spending too much money on coffees and eating out. It's not too hard to cut back on those things if you really want to. Anyway, enough of my tangent.

This is pretty funny. A couple days ago we got a church pamphlet in the mail that said on it: "A church that teaches babies to say 'rock on!' Lol. Really... that's quite a catch slogan for a church huh?

Okay, I should probably try to get started on some of the schoolwork that is already starting to pile up very quickly!
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
25 August 2008 @ 10:49 pm
The following is not a coffee rant, it is a late night rant.

Had my first class tonight for the semester online from 8 to 10pm.
Our professor said she was going to ask us a question and for us to either get out a pencil and paper or launch a word processing program and just take five minutes to answer and then we would reconvene. The question was to think back to your teen years when you had a moment when you finally realized who you were or who you were to become. Okay. I had nothing to say, couldn’t remember ever having such a moment..lol. I think the closest I came was maybe when I realized I was a person who hated high school and couldn’t wait to get out. That might have falled under the moment when I realized a little of who I was :-p

Of course someone in the class virtually “raised their hand” and asked the dumbass question of the night: “professor, would you like us to write this on paper or in Word?“ Uh, that doesn’t even deserve an answer. She just said it didn’t matter and you’re not handing it in. Hello. I’m such a smart ass it’s not even funny. I joke with my roommate Robin that if we both weren’t so sarcastic we would get on each other’s nerves, but since we are, we don’t. Ha. We make fun of everything, mostly stupid tv commercials. One of my favorites is the one with Jessica Alba where she sashays up to the camera in a sexy dress and says in a sultry voice: “All I REALLY want is for my foundation to match my skin..” Lol. There are some commercials I love though, they are just clever and funny. No matter how many times I see them I laugh, like the one about the milky minutes. I think that's by t-mobile or something.

I spent around an hour and a half at the computer place getting my laptop diagnosed and fixed today. I had a jack replaced and paid around $125 dollars, but it doesn't seem like it's going to last. The guy there also told me my motherboard might be a problem too. I'm not sure how much longer this laptop is going to work. I hope it at least gets me through this semester and maybe I can get a new one for Christmas if it comes to that. I hope it doesn't. He was nice enough to remove Norton from my computer too. That antivirus program is a virus in and of itself. My computer loads and works so much better since he pried that thing off my system. I tried many times myself to uninstall it but Norton makes sure that once you download it on you will never get it off. I also bought the McAfee cd from him and installed that. The guy said it was much better. It was a lot cheaper too.

I also dropped one of my classes I had registered for this semester, my Wednesday night class from 8-10pm. I was already getting stressed what with all these novels I have to read just for one class. Now that I'm only taking two I feel much more relaxed. I really wish I could get a good job and start making money and saving and stuff. I keep applying at Fsu but I think I'm being too picky. Next interview and job they offer me I'll think hard about taking. In the meantime I just want to get through this program, but I'm worried there won't be a good job for me after that either, but I will do an internship this time around and hopefully that will help me secure something. Part of my problem with finding a good job is I want to stay in Tallahassee too. I like it here, my friends are here, the church I love is here, it's home for me. I would rather be here and be with the people I care about and settle for a lower paying job than go chase down a higher paying one somewhere else and yet not be happy there. People mean more to me than money and a good job. Anyways, we'll see what happens. Time for me to hit the sack.
20 August 2008 @ 04:26 pm
My mouth wasn't hurting too bad when I woke up this morning so I figured I'd try to get out and be a little productive. I counted all the young adult novels I have to read for one of my classes, minus all the other readings from the text book and online, and it turned out to be 24. Yeah, makes you sick huh? That's why I am starting now, a week before the semester starts. Good thing the professor had some sense to put up the course on blackboard that early.

Well, I went to Borders and grabbed one of the required books off the shelf (luckily one of them was on the shelf, most have to be ordered) and got myself an iced raspberry latte ( I could drink that. I can't drink anything through a straw for a while) and sat down in a comfy chair and read the book from cover to cover so I wouldn't have to pay for it. I already have to spend way too much money on school books. At least I got one book down, and am in the middle of another at home. Only 23 to go! Plus all the work I will have to do in my other two classes. The book was surprisingly very good. It was one of those books that is written in such a way that you start the first page and just keep reading until you finish. It was called "The Absolutely True Story of a Part-time Indian". From the title I thought I wasn't going to get into it, but I did. It was good.

Now I'm back home and will probably make some eggs with cheese in them. I can't eat much of anything solid for a while. I so want a pizza or a cheeseburger, and a soda. I can't drink carbonated beverages for a few days either. I took a couple pain pills yesterday and don't feel the best today, kinda queasy and sick to my stomach. I hate pain pills because they always have these unpleasant after effects. I'm not in too much pain, so I'm going to try not to take anymore. I'm just going to lay down on the couch and rest tonight and try to finish that second book I'm reading. My roommate calls me a couch potatoe. Whatever. I may not do a lot of physical getting up and going to work like she does, but I get up and get out and do a lot of mental work. I work hard in school. I'm not lazy like she thinks I am. Lazy people don't get three degrees, they don't go to school after they don't have to. Anyway, I call her a recliner potatoe, so there! She does just as much laying around in her recliner as I do on the couch, yet I work while I'm laying around. I read and do schoolwork on my laptop and watch tv, she just watches tv, so there again! I win. Lol.
Current Mood: sleepysleepy